If I can’t have him, nobody can.

Um, well not really. I am not batsh*t crazy like some other fans out there (you don’t know who you are). But it would help me let go a little bit if I saw pictures of Rob smiling with someone.

While there is a lot of speculation going on lately about Rob and Kristen (are they or aren’t they?!?) that’s not who I’m thinking would fit the purpose (even though my fave bloggers are currently in litigation about it).

Ok! says it's true, so it's gotta be, right?

 So I have decided that instead of wondering if he’s with her or not (because I kind of hope not…see below for my rationale on that), I think it’d be fun to tell Rob who he should date. I know that he has certain preferences:

 Must be someone born before 1988

Should be musically inclined and have decent taste in literature

Needs to be ok with the grunge factor (smoking, drinking, unkempt hair/clothes)

I’m sure there are others, but let’s go with that for now huh?

 And since I am already taken (though Rob is on my freebie list just in case) I thought I would offer him a list of other ladies that I would be ok with him dating.

 

Natalie Portman

 

Girl shaved her head in V for Vendetta. You've gotta give her props for that...

She meets all the criteria. There have even been some gossipy rumors they were together and I think she is sweet, talented and gorgeous. Did you see her in the short right before The Darjeeling Limited? Yea, that should pretty much seal the deal for him. She is confident and could help him out of his awkwardness (in a good way). But she may be a bit too….I don’t know…something for him. Sweet? Charming? Not sure. Maybe I should have heron my freebie list..jk!

 

Ashley Greene

All in the family

Yea, I know it would be a creepy pick if they were actually related, but they aren’t, so moving on. First, she seems to get him. She feels his pain being in the ultra limelight and dealing with screaming Twi fans. Second, have you seen her? Gorgeous! I mean I would kill for her legs! Does she meet the criteria? Not sure, but I haven’t heard her talk about much besides Rob and Kstew because no one will ask her anything else.

 

Kiera Knightly

Also speaks the Queens English

 Not sure what makes me think this one, but she is also from the UK. She is in one of my other fave movies (Pride and Prejudice. I. KNOW. Please don’t judge).

 Ellen Page

 

You could be Juno's baby daddy, Rob

She was Juno. She is sweet. She is humble (like Rob). She is a little bit awkward too.

 

 But really, who would I choose? If it were up to me? If Rob called and asked in his swoon worthy British accent? After he asked me out and I had to say no (because I am married and already used the freebie card that one night)?

Elizabeth Reaser

 

If being a mother lover is wrong, Rob doesn't want to be right

So not only am I picking this because it’s her bday today nor because she is dangerously close the same age as me (and therefore if they get together I feel less like a baby cougar?), but also because she is so potentially perfect for him. Rob is shy, awkward, dorky, etc. and she seems confident, real and down to earth. When you mix all that together, I think you get Valentine Pineapple Pairs.

While we are on this topic of who Rob is or isn’t with, let’s just go to the dark side for a moment. Who I would be really sad to see him with:

Paris Hilton

Botox much?

Can I just say EW? And it is so never going to happen. She is a pap-ho and he clearly has no need for it. I am sure she thinks he is as hot as we do, but c’mon. Her intentions are not good.

 KStew 

Though she does get the grunge thing...

I can see the appeal. She is really beautiful; she is very down to earth. But c’mon. She is a teenager still. She picked schmootz out of his teeth. And the hair is a bit sicknast sometimes.

 Megan Fox

She does bring the sex, but it seems that's about it.

Do you know how hard it was for me to find a picture of her that didn’t look like she was posing for Hustler? I’m just saying. She is hot in a high maintenance way, but she oozes too much cool, all I want is to be sexy, shielded apathy for Rob. Rob is like the other side of that coin in a good way.

 

Good luck Rob. My work is done here.