Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

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You know you may be too far gone when…

June 30, 2009

Ok, so I know I’m a bit Judgy McJudgerson of Twi-sessions (mostly my own) but I can’t help escape the feeling that any day now the guys in white suits are going to roll up in front of my house for me. And I will not even question it.

 This blog actually started out as a way to document the end of my Twilight Obsession. And now I am claiming it’s an outlet for my Twi-session (To the hubs. Who is officially suspicious that the obsession is going nowhere.) But I think at times, it actually propels me further into batsh*t crazy territory.

 Case in point – I went to a 90 min seminar today and spent the entire time thinking about this:

So flippin' distractin

So flippin' distracting

More specifically this:

this!

Thinking about my hand on it. Thinking about how that could morph into some version of Chapter 23 in I Love LA. Thinking about how I could get the hubs to act out that chapter at home. Thinking I will have to start keeping extra panties in my drawer at work now.

 

 Exhibit 2 – My daughter, who mind you is not even officially a toddler yet, sees me looking at Rob pictures online the other day, points to one and yells “Daddy!!!” No honey, thank god. The hubs is actually a great daddy and I certainly wouldn’t trade him in for Rob. But I wouldn’t mind trying to make babies with Rob.

 

Exhibit 3 – I am constantly trying to identify other Twi-hards

are you a twi-hard

I’m like an undercover Twi-detective with really bad Twi-dar because I never actually find any in real life.

I went to a family reunion this weekend and zoned out thinking which one of my aunts or cousins could possibly be into it. I kept waiting for someone to bring it up, but the only good topic was The Hangover.

I am going to the NKOTB concert tomorrow night (Hello! MILFCon!) I wonder if Donnie was the inspiration for Edward's hair? and think there will have to be some fellow Twi-hards there. You think my high school girlfriends would be pissed if I ditch them for some new friends? I mean I did ask if they have yet read Twilight and there wasn’t much interest.

 

Exhibit 4 – I am avoiding people.

The other day I walked up to the flavia machine at work and instead of getting my cup of coffee, I set it down and headed to the ladies room. Why? Because the guy who was already there is a total chatter box. And his 30 min of chitty chatting about his son and how he can read and play hockey (ad nasuem) really hinders my morning google reader session of all my favorite Twi-blogs.

Also? Instead of going out for a bite with some girlfriends the other night, I went to see The Proposal. Alone. In the hopes of seeing the New Moon preview. Epic fail on my part. No New Moon trailer. And besides the slight eye candy that is Ryan Reynolds – not much of a movie.

 

Exhibit 5 – I can relate to at least 99 of the 100 Twitarded ways Twilight has changed my life .

This, though? This I am proud of! Because there are a ton of other Twi-hards (or should I call us Twi-tards?) that are totally crazy, obsessed, whateveryouwannacallit about Twilight so even if that van pulls up for me, I know there will be some fellow Twi-hard/tards in there already. 

And being in the nut house will give me so much more time to devote to my Twi-session. Booyah!

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Let me make it loud and clear

June 23, 2009

If for some reason I have not made it abundantly clear, let me make it so – I am unconditionally and irrevocably on Team Edward.

Don’t get me wrong, I liked Jacob (emphasis on the liked, as in past tense). In the movie, he seemed like a cute and sweet guy. I had actually seen him in Shark Boy and Lava Girl so was familiar with his body of work. Then I read Twilight and pretty much liked him throughout. And for the majority of New Moon, he was caring, warm and there. I mean he wasn’t Edward, but he was a really supportive friend. And Edward left. So, yeah, Bella’s gotta hit what she can get. And Jacob is pretty much trying every which way he can to tap that. And I was semi-ok with that.

Until the phone call. And then I wanted Jacob to back the f*ck off. I wanted to tell him to take his half breed ass and hike it back to La Push, baby and forget he ever knew Bella. Jacob needed to go back to his mutt pack and imprint on some Forks high chicka or someone from the Rez.

Yes, my alliances do turn so quickly.

And from that point forward, Jacob was the annoying eyelash growing straight into your eye that you just can’t get out. He grated on me. I couldn’t stand his antics. And he is a total pedophile to boot.

So imagine my horror when I saw this:

Get your hot dog eating, grubby sweatpants wearing, awful wig having dick grabbers off of Bella!

Get your hot dog eating, grubby sweatpants wearing, awful wig having dick grabbers off of Bella!

 

My inner fangirl was screaming at the top of her lungs. No. F-ing. Way. What the shiz is up with this? Who would think this would be a good idea? Then it occured to me: those marketing folks – they know their fanbase. The Team Edwards will buy one because they will be so pissed they will want to remind themselves of the horror that could have been. The Team Jacobs will rejoice in their favored lovers claim of his first true love. Damn those marketers to hell, I say!

I doubt I will fork up the money for this copy anytime soon. It’s such a misrepresentation. And the two of them look like they are about to rub wolf bits to lady parts, which gives me the willies.

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If I can’t have him, nobody can.

June 15, 2009

Um, well not really. I am not batsh*t crazy like some other fans out there (you don’t know who you are). But it would help me let go a little bit if I saw pictures of Rob smiling with someone.

While there is a lot of speculation going on lately about Rob and Kristen (are they or aren’t they?!?) that’s not who I’m thinking would fit the purpose (even though my fave bloggers are currently in litigation about it).

Ok! says it's true, so it's gotta be, right?

 So I have decided that instead of wondering if he’s with her or not (because I kind of hope not…see below for my rationale on that), I think it’d be fun to tell Rob who he should date. I know that he has certain preferences:

 Must be someone born before 1988

Should be musically inclined and have decent taste in literature

Needs to be ok with the grunge factor (smoking, drinking, unkempt hair/clothes)

I’m sure there are others, but let’s go with that for now huh?

 And since I am already taken (though Rob is on my freebie list just in case) I thought I would offer him a list of other ladies that I would be ok with him dating.

 

Natalie Portman

 

Girl shaved her head in V for Vendetta. You've gotta give her props for that...

Girl shaved her head in V for Vendetta. You've gotta give her props for that...

She meets all the criteria. There have even been some gossipy rumors they were together and I think she is sweet, talented and gorgeous. Did you see her in the short right before The Darjeeling Limited? Yea, that should pretty much seal the deal for him. She is confident and could help him out of his awkwardness (in a good way). But she may be a bit too….I don’t know…something for him. Sweet? Charming? Not sure. Maybe I should have heron my freebie list..jk!

 

Ashley Greene

All in the family

All in the family

Yea, I know it would be a creepy pick if they were actually related, but they aren’t, so moving on. First, she seems to get him. She feels his pain being in the ultra limelight and dealing with screaming Twi fans. Second, have you seen her? Gorgeous! I mean I would kill for her legs! Does she meet the criteria? Not sure, but I haven’t heard her talk about much besides Rob and Kstew because no one will ask her anything else.

 

Kiera Knightly

Also speaks the Queens english

Also speaks the Queens English

 Not sure what makes me think this one, but she is also from the UK. She is in one of my other fave movies (Pride and Prejudice. I. KNOW. Please don’t judge).

 Ellen Page

 

You could be Juno's baby daddy, Rob

You could be Juno's baby daddy, Rob

She was Juno. She is sweet. She is humble (like Rob). She is a little bit awkward too.

 

 But really, who would I choose? If it were up to me? If Rob called and asked in his swoon worthy British accent? After he asked me out and I had to say no (because I am married and already used the freebie card that one night)?

Elizabeth Reaser

 

If being a mother lover is wrong, Rob shouldn't want to be right

If being a mother lover is wrong, Rob doesn't want to be right

So not only am I picking this because it’s her bday today nor because she is dangerously close the same age as me (and therefore if they get together I feel less like a baby cougar?), but also because she is so potentially perfect for him. Rob is shy, awkward, dorky, etc. and she seems confident, real and down to earth. When you mix all that together, I think you get Valentine Pineapple Pairs.

While we are on this topic of who Rob is or isn’t with, let’s just go to the dark side for a moment. Who I would be really sad to see him with:

Paris Hilton

Botox much?

Botox much?

Can I just say EW? And it is so never going to happen. She is a pap-ho and he clearly has no need for it. I am sure she thinks he is as hot as we do, but c’mon. Her intentions are not good.

 KStew 

Though she does get the grunge thing...

Though she does get the grunge thing...

I can see the appeal. She is really beautiful; she is very down to earth. But c’mon. She is a teenager still. She picked schmootz out of his teeth. And the hair is a bit sicknast sometimes.

 Megan Fox

She does bring the sex, but it seems that's about it.

She does bring the sex, but it seems that's about it.

Do you know how hard it was for me to find a picture of her that didn’t look like she was posing for Hustler? I’m just saying. She is hot in a high maintenance way, but she oozes too much cool, all I want is to be sexy, shielded apathy for Rob. Rob is like the other side of that coin in a good way.

 

Good luck Rob. My work is done here.

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It hasn’t been all bad (or top 5 reasons I will always have a special place in my heart for Rob Pattinson and Twilight)

June 11, 2009

So while the hubs may be right about the obsessive nature of my love of all things Twi-related, he may not be seeing all the good things this obsession with Twilight and Rob Pattinson has brought into my life.

Here are my top 5 arguements for why the Twilight obsession has been a good thing:

 1 – Sweet lovin’ – thanks to all the great fanfic. I don’t hear him complaining about that!

 2 – Radiohead – While there are some opinions floating around that the soundtrack is not the best music in town, I did buy it and really like it. However, I am not at all a music snob. I have my good standbys (usually indie folk) and don’t usually steer into other areas. Stick with me here. Once I got so sick of listening to the sound track on repeat, I starting looking for something new and raw and interesting and I found Radiohead (which the hubs introduced me to) and I love it. So Twilight brought us a new common interest…fancy that!

Somehow this...

Somehow this...

 

can lead to this.

can lead to this.

 

3 – More Milfy every day – I have really cut out the late night snacking as I have replaced it with all things Twilight and Rob. Thus far, I have lost 10 lbs., how you like them apples, hubs?

4 – Artistic inspiration – Watching the movie, reading the book, watching the movie, reading Catherine Hardwickes directors notebook started me thinking about how films are made, artistic journaling and writing in general. I have stated some ideas for short stories, created story boards and even came up with a few good short film ideas. Art is what? Good! That’s right.

5 – Rob – this one isn’t really for the hubs but damn, the boy is hawt! I haven’t obsessed this much about a celebrity since NKOTB. And while I used to scream out loud with sightings of them in Tiger Beat, now I only scream in my head, to myself when a new pic like this comes out of Rob. Swoon.

rob