h1

Calling all the crazies

June 16, 2009

 Since you don’t seem to know who you are – let me just break it down for you. This applies to all the batsh*t crazy fans who may think that Rob is Edward Cullen. Who think that if you tackle him on the set of his current movie, he is going to stop and ask you for your number. WTF? Seriously?

 

Yes, crazy fangirls, this represents your level of crazy

Yes, crazy fangirls, this represents your level of crazy

I mean I can totally accept this behavior in 14 year olds. I was there once – with NKOTB. In fact I toured around Missouri with my 5 closest friends and one mom in a Civic one summer following them from six flags, to the state fair, back to six flags. We stood out in the rain and heat for 12+ hours to get a good seat so they would see us. Because we knew that as soon as they saw us it would be love at first sight for them. See the crazy? So I totally get it if you’re 14. 

On the other hand, if you are over 16, you should know better. You want to push him into hiding like Johnny Depp? He seems to already have tendencies for being a loner and staying out of the spotlight. Going on a crazy fangirl rampage isn’t doing anyone any good. Oh sure, you’ll have your stories to go back and tell. And then that’s it. It’ll be your claim to fame. Forever.

These beotches are at the pinnacle of their lives. It's all downhill from here.

These beotches are at the pinnacle of their lives. It's all downhill from here.

 Don’t get me wrong, all of us Twi lovers are a little crazy in our own Twi-loving way. You can’t be obsessed with something and not be a little crazy for it. However, there are acceptable levels of  interest and there are batsh*t levels of crazy. Not sure where you reside? Let me break it down for you so you can judge yourself based on the highest level that applies to you:

Level 1 – Seems normal to me

 You don’t even register on the Twidar. You may be reading a book in the series and maybe have been having issues with focusing on other things. But at the end of the series you put it down and move on to something else. Like Harry Potter or Percy Jackson and The Olympians Series. You may even see the movie on DVD. But the key here is that you walk away. I know many a girl like you and I almost wish I could be like you. Those of you at this level aren’t ‘not crazy’. You save the crazy for your brand of heroin. Unfortunately for me, Twilight is my own personal brand of heroin.

There is a serious jump in my book for anyone beyond level 1. Those in level 1 probably won’t get the rest of this, so you can go back to looking a pictures of Daniel Radcliffe shirtless.

I'm just not seeing it.

I'm just not seeing it.

 Level 2 – Slight addict

 You’ve read the series more that once. You’ve seen the movie multiple times. You read the Twi news and blogs daily. But the key here is that this is where it ends. You have other hobbies in your life. You watch other movies. Your youtube and google searches and rss feeds do not center around Twi-news.

 

This picture may make you hot, but you were not caught licking your computer screen at work when seeing it for the first time.

This picture may make you hot, but you were not caught licking your computer screen at work when seeing it for the first time.

Level 3 – Pleasantly eccentric

 You have the Edward doll. You take pictures with him. You may even take videos with said Edward doll. It’s all in good fun and no one is getting hurt.

 

Noooo! Edward that's my cat, not a mountain lion!

Noooo! Edward that's my cat, not a mountain lion!

Level 4 – Drunk on Rob’s scent

You have a blog dedicated to something Twilight. You update it frequently. You check the hits and the comments daily.

 Has anyone told you that you need to simmer down on the Twi obsession? No? I guess the only person who knows of my love of Twi/Rob isn’t as supportive as yours.

 This is clearly the line I am drawing in the sand and I stand on the more sane side of it. I have not yet graduate past this point. I am teetering on the edge but holding strong thanks to the eyeopening shenanigans of you know who.

Level 5 – Frothing at the mouth

 You’ve made a video slideshow to a your own song. 

You’ve made your own Twilight/Pattinson gear that you wear in public. You make fan art and it may or may not be good.

Is the handmade Twilight purse really necessary with the tee shirt?

Is the handmade Twilight purse really necessary with the tee shirt?

Your grasp on reality has weakened. What once was a fun hobby turned slightly unhealthy obsession has now taken a nose dive into bird sh*t crazy land. This level is a gateway drug to level 7.

 

Level 6 – Talking back to Rob’s voice in your head

 You think Rob is Edward Cullen. Or is like him. Or that Edward Cullen and you will someday meet/get married/have vampy babes. (sh*t ain’t going to happen peeps)

 edward cullen 1

This brings us to the summit of loony. Beyond wacko, past cuckoo for cocoa puffs. To the mother-load of unhinged obsession.

Level 7 – Batsh*t crazy.

 

The worst part about this is that he is being such a nice guy and smiling through it all.

The worst part about this is that he is being such a nice guy and smiling through it all.

You’ve attacked him. In the streets of NYC. Wearing your handmade Twilight paraphernalia. And took a picture of it. With your camera phone that has Rob/Edward as the wallpaper. To later post in a slideshow video to the song you wrote about Rob/Edward. On your blog dedicated to Twilight.

You are screwing it up for the rest of us. Those of us who want to drool at pics of him as he walks down the street. Playing the air guitar and smokes ciggys. We won’t get any more smiling pics of Rob with you hysterial sluts.

All I can say is back off. I think Zac Efron is missing a few fans and could really use you right about now.

Advertisements

3 comments

  1. What’s really sad is the ones who are the worst don’t think it’s them, because “Rob wants us too”.


  2. I’m not sure what level I am and frankly I don’t think I want to know (mostly because “having a Twilight blog” already seems to have me at an uncomfortable level – lol!), but this is FUNNY!!

    : )

    Don’t let anyone tell you it’s not ok – I am so happy doing all this!!! Really.


  3. I’m happy to be sitting at a solid 4 for now…



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: