Archive for the ‘Advice for Rob’ Category


What will the future hold?

June 20, 2009
As we are all well aware, Rob is so totally at the height of it.  Teenage girls following his every move, jobs lining up for him left and right, sweeping the MTV movie awards. Think NKOTB right after ‘The Right Stuff’, BSB in their heyday, Brittany circa 2007.
He’s got the paps following him all over the place, crazy’s lurking around the setand is pretty much recognized where ever he goes. Even with the hoodie and glasses. Or the lobster hat.
But what if this is it? (*shudder*) What if he gets sick of this sh*t and says f*ck it? Forget acting. Forget my fans. What if he does go into hiding after all this attention and moves from the Heines to Jack, writing sad songs all day and chain smoking? And then resurfaces on his own VH-1 reality show 20 years later called ‘Vampires of Love’?
Rob wit' his hos

Rob wit' his hos

It scares me, people. To think I may not get my daily dose of him. No pictures of him on the beach, no stories of him getting clipped by cabs, no media frezies about who he’s shacking up with. Gone.
For awhile, I could live off of the million pics out there. But they’ll get old. And then someday, I will move on. Maybe re-enter my life (like I should already be doing…damn this Twilight obsession!). And then slowly he will fade out of my fantasies memory. Then one day, maybe 20 years from now, when the Twilight saga money has run out, he would resurface. And I shudder to think that this is what he will look like.
Is this what Rob will look like in 40 yrs?
Is this what Rob will look like in 20 yrs?

History does not have many good examples of this working out well.

The original vampire heart throbs

Exhibits 1 & 2 - The original vampire heart throbs

These guys had a good run back in the day. The Lost Boys  brought them to the cover of Teen Beat every week.  I had their posters plastered all over my walls. Then License to Drive brought them even more tween fans. And one more film together (Dream a Little Dream – which I loved and watched about 10 times at the theater) before they fell into obscurity only then to re-emerge as boozed up, crack whores looking for a job.

Exhibit 4

Exhibit 3

Need I say more? Really, this fantastic superstar of my youth turned bad plastic surgery/pedophile is almost the bottom of the washed up celebrity barrel. RIP MJ, RIP.
Exhibit 4

Exhibit 4

And here is the bottom. Look at that cute face, you could see the hope and future oozing out of her freckles. But mix a pushy stage mom, lots of underage drinking, fake boobs and cameras and you get a girl out of work, passing out in cars looking like she got into a fight with the crack pipe.
But there are a couple of good role models for him. People he can look to for guidance. That haven’t totally shunned the spotlight. That work it with grace. And all one may or may not have been on my freebie list at one point in time.
Yes, Derek taylor was a jerk, but I was still in love with him.

Yes, Derek Taylor was a jerk, but I was still in love with him.

Jason Bateman. Yes, he grew up well. He was in Juno (love!). He was in Arrested Development (love. love. love!). And he lives a normal, adult actor’s life.
Yummy then, DILF now

Yummy then, DILF now

Ok, minus the whole hooking up with another woman on set while you are currently married thing. Brad has endured the spotlight well. He gets great roles, seems happy and honestly, is even hotter now than he was back when he was a cowgirl hat wearing, gun slinging, shirtless hick in Thelma and Louise.
What Rob should aspire to

What Rob should aspire to

I mean really? The perennial bachelor, the philanthropic, the producer/actor, the ability to charm through the TV so that I am a little hot just looking at him. This is where I want to see Rob in 20 years. Single, hot and getting the paps to take pictures of him shirtless cruising for ladies in his boat on Lake Como.
So what’s my point? Rob – don’t change. don’t go into hiding. stay a-dork-able. K?